1) Drink 3 energy drinks per day This will ensure we maximize your: Nervousness Restlessness Trouble sleeping Fast heart rate Gastrointestinal problems Bonus points if you chug one after 3pm. 2) Binge drink 3-4x per week This is an easy one. Buddy calls you up on a Tuesday for margaritas, say YES.
Havent read it yet, but god damn! Thats a killer headline!